


Whispers of Apologies

by fanfictionvshomework



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: A little bit of internalised homophobia sorry, Angst, Closeted, F/F, Healthy Relationships, I cannot believe it's the series 9 finale tonight, Lesbians, Lovers, One Shot, Soulmates, They fight but don't worry they're endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22863604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfictionvshomework/pseuds/fanfictionvshomework
Summary: Delia and Patsy haven't talked for a week, not since Delia saw... that in the kitchen. The two of them realise that conversations need to be had and amends need to be made. Because their love, after all, is for forever.
Relationships: Delia Busby/Patsy Mount
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Whispers of Apologies

“I don’t want your apology.”

Delia turned to face the window, so Patsy couldn’t see those shameful tears streaming down her face. She gently ran her hand across her cheeks, trying to make it look as if she was brushing off an eyelash, not a weeks’ worth of bottled up emotions. God, a week? Is that all it had been? It felt like years to Delia, years since she walked into the kitchen to see… that dreadful scene. They’d both been working early mornings and late evenings in order to avoid this conversation. It hadn’t worked though. They needed to talk about it. 

Delia glimpsed Patsy’s reflection in the windowpane. She was clenching her fists by her side, something Delia knew she did whenever she got stressed or anxious. Normally she’d sprint to her side to comfort her, whispering calming notions into her ear, kissing her hands softly. Not today. She didn’t want Patsy to see how much she was hurt, how much she cared. It was dark outside, with nothing but a warm pale ember coming from the streetlamps. The roads were eerily quiet. Nothing in Poplar was ever quiet. Delia loved her room because she could look out upon the school yard in the morning and reminisce about her school days back in Wales, filled with boisterous tree climbing and conker fights. Instead of bustling school children, a cool wind ripped through the playground and threatened Delia at the window. A shudder ran across her, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Patsy consider joining her at the window, using her embrace to keep the cold out. Neither of them moved.

Patsy stood still, not even a breath rippling through her. She didn’t know what to do. Delia wasn’t listening. So far, apologising had got her nowhere. Patsy knew deep down that what she’d done was terrible, downright cruel, yet she couldn’t bring herself to fully admit what she did. It wasn’t like she could hide from it either. Delia had seen her, plain as day. Seen her kissing a gentleman she barely knew.

Delia didn’t want to picture it, but seeing Patsy brought it all rushing back. Walking towards the dining room, feeling elated because she saw Patsy’s bag, because they would finally get some time alone together. She turned the corner, ready to greet her perfect smile and ginger hair with a warming kiss. Practically bouncing, she stepped into the kitchen to see Patsy there, but she wasn’t alone. It was all wrong. She was standing in the arms of a tall man with dark brown hair, both dressed in Cubs leaders' uniforms, colours that Delia knew far too well. He was running his hands across her back, through her hair, across her cheek. He was touching places reserved for Delia, places that weren't platonic or friendly. Worst of all, Patsy was kissing him back, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Delia could tell she was enjoying this freedom and openness, something the two of them missed greatly. Frozen for a moment, Delia hadn’t known what to do. What does one do in this situation? So, she stood there for just a second too long to watch Patsy pull away and notice Delia, standing with her mouth agape. Patsy too was frozen, but not with shock or surprise, but guilt. The man had simply laughed and uttered an apology to both girls, and bid Patsy goodnight, “I hope to see you again soon, Nurse Mount. Very soon.” He waltzed off with a smirk, looking back over his shoulder and throwing Patsy a knowing glance. Delia stayed still until she heard the familiar thud of the front door closing. Patsy ran towards her, trying to grab her hand, but Delia pulled away. Despite Patsy’s cries behind her, she simply trudged up the stairs and into her room, where the only thing she did for the rest of the evening was sob into her pillow. 

It had been a week exactly since Delia’s love came crashing inwards on her. She’d seen Patsy at meals of course, but managed to avoid her, moving seats towards Trixie or one of the nuns. Conversation in public had be full of pleasantries and nothing more. No substance. No knowing looks, or claims of card games. Luckily no one had noticed, being too occupied with the baby boom they were experiencing in Poplar. It meant that Delia had time to gather her thoughts and collate her words, instead of the jumbled mess Patsy had left her with. She turned back towards Patsy, now feeling proud of the tears she sported on her face. “I don’t want your apology, I don’t want your explanation. I don’t want your pathetic reasons or your pity.” Delia was now pacing towards Patsy, spitting out her words like they were poison. Her eyes were filled with fire. “I want you to go. I don’t want you to act sympathetic when you couldn’t give a rat’s tail about how I’m feeling right now!” Noticing she was beginning to shout, she turned her voice down, becoming more monotonous. “I just want you to leave me alone.” Attempting to sit gracefully on her bed, she instead collapsed down, head in her hands, and begun heaving with muffled sobs.

Patsy couldn’t stand by any longer, not when she knew she was the cause of all this suffering. She perched next to Delia, curling her arms round her soft shoulders and hugged her as tight as she could. They sat there for minutes, just breathing in unison. Patsy wiped some of the flowing tears off Delia’s face and nudged her chin upwards, so they were looking in each other’s eyes. “There is no language on this Earth that express how foolish and stupid I was. I can’t even begin to say sorry, but I do owe you an explanation.” Patsy sighed, flicking her eyes across the room to gather up enough courage to finally admit what had happened. “He’s the leader of the Cubs in Bethnal Green. We had a planning meeting about the upcoming camp in Epping Forest. He offered to walk me back because it was late, and I accepted.” She held Delia’s hand in hers now, once again peering into her eyes. “I offered to make him a drink since it was cold. Before I knew it, his hands were on my waist and he was spinning me around. It felt forced, but I didn’t want to stop him. It was nice, not having to hide.” Patsy grazed her hand down Delia’s cheek. “I didn’t enjoy it. It felt wrong. I just wanted to see if I could live normally. But I can’t. I can never leave you.”

By this point, Delia was feeling incredibly half-witted. Of course, Patsy hadn’t initiated anything, how could she think that? She completely understood Patsy’s stance. She’d wondered more than once what it would be like to kiss someone without being completely overtaken by fear. Fear that they'd be discovered, that their happy little life would cease to exist, that their secret would be revealed. “Patsy, thank you for being honest,” she said in that soft Welsh lilt. “I understand, and I am beyond angry that he cornered you. I’msorry I avoided you. I just thought you were done with me, that you’d decided to live a normal life after all. That you were tired of this..” She gestured towards the space in between them.

“Deels, I could never leave you. I felt nothing when I kissed him. I love you. I just wish I wasn’t ashamed of it.” Patsy abruptly started silently sobbing. She spent every minute of every day worrying that someone would find out, that she would be torn away from Delia. What a fool she was, for forgetting the beautiful woman she had right in front of her. “I am so dreadfully sorry. I will never be unfaithful to you again. But of course, it’s already too late. If you want to end things, I’d completely understand…”

Delia shook her head in annoyance. How could Patsy ever think that they could end their relationship? These last months had been the happiest in her entire life. Waking up, being greeted by that pearly smile. Coming home from work and being held for hours on end. “Patsy, I love you. You made a mistake, but I know that our love is stronger than this. Pats, we’re stronger than anything.” With that, Delia leaned in and gently kissed Patsy’s lips. There they sat, tangled in each other’s embrace, feeling nothing but adoration and love, until the sun came up and life began once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I miss my canon lesbians so much. Series 9 finale tonight, fingers crossed Val doesn't leave!
> 
> twitter @multiflodom


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